Nancy and I went to an appointment with her oncologist yesterday. Several days ago she had some scans after on onset of chest and back pain. Pain for someone who has had or has cancer is nerve racking. There is always the thought that it is back or that it is worse. Anytime you have an ache or pain, there is a high level of fear and anxiety. Nancy lived with that for 8 years before our worst nightmare came true. Anyway, she had back and chest pain and we made an appointment with the Acute Care Clinic at Huntsman. (The Acute Care Clinic is basically their version of InstaCare). We knew that they would likely order some scans and that they would likely show disease progression.
A few weeks ago, she had other scans that showed slight disease progression. Her tumors and lymph nodes measured larger as well as more overall involvement. That wasn't a complete surprise either as her tumor markers in her blood tests were going up. The people who run the study were on the fence as to whether or not she could stay in it because of the cancer's advancement. We left there a few weeks ago knowing that if there was any more disease progression, they would kick her out of the study and she would start on a new treatment plan. For one, the study doesn't allow you to stay in it if you get worse and two, you don't want to - you want to try another regimen.
So, as we went to the appointment, we knew that the outcome would likely be a change in treatment along with an interpretation in the scans that show that it has worsened. Nancy had already read the scans over the weekend and knew what the radiology oncologists had written. Knowing what the likely outcome would be probably took some of the sting off, but didn't make the news any better. The reality is; we are now 2 treatments down and running out of options. In each of the first two treatments she showed marked improvement initially, but then stopped functioning after 3 or 4 months.
The new regimen is Ibrance (estrogen blocker) and Falslodex (stops cancer cell division). Healthcare nerds click here: https://www.breastcancer.org/treatment/targeted_therapies/ibrance
Her doctor said that while it is definitely not positive that she has not had a good long response to the previous two treatments, that there is a chance that she will to this new round. I pressed and she said that there are and have been others in similar situations who have responded well in spite of the previous poor responses.
Among all of this, life goes on. While I was taking Sam and Zach to the orthodontist before meeting up with Nancy, Jake was busy taking the ACT. Life definitely doesn't slow down in the midst of the storm.
We continue to have great help and support and...dinners. It has been hard to accept them - but love them at the same time. Hard because it is tough being the pity case and feeling like we are putting people out. We love them because, well they're delicious. Shout out to Cristina Ibarra and Liz Wright who brought us some peruvian and mexican food cooked con mucho amor last night. Many, many people have brought us food on Tuesdays and Thursdays that has been other-worldly. I should mention all of the incredible people who have made the food and those coordinating it, but this post will probably be shut down for using up too much of google's memory. Just know that we do appreciate each and every person who has given service, love or support.
The visits, walks, game nights, and other acts of service have been very helpful to Nancy. Sometimes I get asked whether or not she is up for visitors. The answer is usually yes, but you can always call. She does get fatigued a lot still. You can text her or call her. If you don't have her number and want it, text me (801) 554-0440
My work family has been a big support. I haven't talked openly about it a lot there because I don't want to bring down morale and the cancer in itself is bad enough. I don't need it to impact my company too. They have been very understanding and in some ways have picked up additional work or tasks. I don't tell them all enough, but I am very grateful for them and to them.
Nancy's work friends have been great too. One of the hardest things for Nancy has been quitting her career. She loved her job, her friends there, working with the nicu babies and making a difference in their lives. That has been taken from her and along with it, a big piece of her identity, her purpose and her passions. She enjoys the contact from her work friends, especially the funny texts.
As with most trials there have been lots of opportunities to learn. We can't choose what comes our way, but we can choose how we react or respond. When we confront a trial, we still can choose to not let it take complete possession of our world. We can find lessons to be learned and grow. We can remain positive and use the trials to benefit others that we encounter. It is up to us as to how we will respond.
Live life. live in the moment. Life is short (cliche alert!). We really don't know what tomorrow brings, so we should make today the best that we can. Search for and do the things that improve and enhance our lives. In the 8 years since her original diagnosis, I think that we did a better job of this. We didn't care as much about all of the trivial things in life. We cared less about money and other concerns and tried to make experiences. We traveled more, we lived more.
Take your shot. The things we end up regretting in life are the times we didn't take the shot. The times where we knew we should do something, but chickened out or rationalized it away. The times where we didn't act or say what we knew we should. The promptings that we ignored.
What are the things that are holding us back from living our best life? Write them down and then either stop doing them or do them. Believe me.
I just got off of the phone earlier today with a friend who told be that he was finalizing a divorce in a couple of days. I didn't even know. Lots of people are silently suffering. The thought that came to me - as it has in the past when hearing of a difficult situation - is that EVERYONE has struggles. It doesn't have to be a contest of whose trials are worse than whose. We could never measure that anyway because how a given trial affects one person is likely completely different than another's response. I am reminded by something I heard from Henry Eyring. He was quoting a former leader of his who said: “When you meet someone, treat them as if they were in serious trouble, and you will be right more than half the time.”
Be more caring and less judgmental.
I will get off my podium, but it turns out there are lots of things to learn while going through difficult times.
Much love,
Paul
