Quitting breastfeeding has been one of the hardest emotional aspects of having breast cancer. There is nothing better in this world than cuddling your baby and breastfeeding. I was given the option to pump during chemotherapy and dump the breast milk for 4 days after, but I am also taking decadron, Ativan, neulasta and anti nausea medication. I don't want to risk harming the baby, and I think it will probably be best for me to quit also. Imaging studies are affected by breastfeeding such as mammogram, and breast MRI which I was unable to have. I feel like I am being cheated by this breast cancer! The baby wants to breastfeed every time I hold him and doesn't understand why he can't. It makes my cry too.
My first day of chemotherapy was yesterday, a little nauseated today. Im taking medications to prevent the nausea, and am going to plan on not getting sick:). Paul bought me an iPad yesterday! I have been wanting one forever, so that made chemotherapy much better. There has to be some positive about this right?
RIght now I am waiting for a PET scan to find out for sure if the cancer is limited to my breast and lymph nodes in my arm pit. My Dr. Seemed pretty confident that this would be normal, but I am still super worried. I just drank a bunch of nasty dye and then got a radioactive injection. They made Paul leave so he wouldn't get irradiated by me.
Tonight we are getting family pictures before my hair starts to fall out. The nurse yesterday said it should take about two weeks. I'm not sure if I'm going to be a wig or scarf person. I may want to just go bald, however, Emily has already told me that I can't go to her school in that condition:). After the pictures, I'm going to get a super short haircat. I've always wanted to go short and have been too chicken. Now it doesn't really matter anyway because it's just going to fall out!
I am overall doing better, but still feel like I am on an emotional roller-coaster. We are trying to adjust to our new reality. Emily is taking it the hardest. She has been very intense and doesn't want to leave me to go to school. I feel so bad for her, as I remember being in 7th grade when my mother had a cancer scare. I couldn't eat or sleep and faked an illness so I could stay home with her.
I would like to thank everyone for their concern for me and for my family. We feel so loved and supported. Paul's mother Suzanne is the BEST mother-in-law in the world! I love and appreciate her so much. She will be staying with us during and after the chemotherapy which will be so helpful.
I will update with more news when I get it. I am getting a clip placed in the tumor tomorrow.
I'm not sure why they call it a clip, but it just marks the area of the tumor in case it shrinks a ton with the chemotherapy.