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Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Chemotherapy

Quitting breastfeeding has been one of the hardest emotional aspects of having breast cancer. There is nothing better in this world than cuddling your baby and breastfeeding. I was given the option to pump during chemotherapy and dump the breast milk for 4 days after, but I am also taking decadron, Ativan, neulasta and anti nausea medication. I don't want to risk harming the baby, and I think it will probably be best for me to quit also. Imaging studies are affected by breastfeeding such as mammogram, and breast MRI which I was unable to have. I feel like I am being cheated by this breast cancer! The baby wants to breastfeed every time I hold him and doesn't understand why he can't. It makes my cry too.

My first day of chemotherapy was yesterday, a little nauseated today. Im taking medications to prevent the nausea, and am going to plan on not getting sick:). Paul bought me an iPad yesterday! I have been wanting one forever, so that made chemotherapy much better. There has to be some positive about this right?

RIght now I am waiting for a PET scan to find out for sure if the cancer is limited to my breast and lymph nodes in my arm pit. My Dr. Seemed pretty confident that this would be normal, but I am still super worried. I just drank a bunch of nasty dye and then got a radioactive injection. They made Paul leave so he wouldn't get irradiated by me.

Tonight we are getting family pictures before my hair starts to fall out. The nurse yesterday said it should take about two weeks. I'm not sure if I'm going to be a wig or scarf person. I may want to just go bald, however, Emily has already told me that I can't go to her school in that condition:). After the pictures, I'm going to get a super short haircat. I've always wanted to go short and have been too chicken. Now it doesn't really matter anyway because it's just going to fall out!

I am overall doing better, but still feel like I am on an emotional roller-coaster. We are trying to adjust to our new reality. Emily is taking it the hardest. She has been very intense and doesn't want to leave me to go to school. I feel so bad for her, as I remember being in 7th grade when my mother had a cancer scare. I couldn't eat or sleep and faked an illness so I could stay home with her.

I would like to thank everyone for their concern for me and for my family. We feel so loved and supported. Paul's mother Suzanne is the BEST mother-in-law in the world! I love and appreciate her so much. She will be staying with us during and after the chemotherapy which will be so helpful.

I will update with more news when I get it. I am getting a clip placed in the tumor tomorrow.
I'm not sure why they call it a clip, but it just marks the area of the tumor in case it shrinks a ton with the chemotherapy.

8 comments:

  1. Oh Nancy! You just made me cry. This is just a bump in the road and you will all get through this. Keep your humor and keep laughing. It is therapuetic. I can't wait to see your short haircut. I will be stopping by to see your results and progress. Keep your head up and just to know that many thoughts and prayers are going your way.

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  2. I have taken breastfeeding for granted it. Now I will cherish every moment. Thank you for sharing this with us.

    Janet

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  3. Nancy, Hope you can post some pictures.....both of the family and of your new do! Thanks so much for making the effort to do this blog. Grandma and I are both anxious to keep up with your progress. On the night before my surgery for my pancreatic cancer, Robby gave me a blessing and the main thing that stuck in my mind was that he blessed me that this would just be a 'bump in the road' and that though the road might be long, that I would eventually recover my health. The name of your blog reminds me of that each time I read it and I feel very sure that you will eventually look back on this 'bump' as a time when you learned lessons like just how much you are loved and that there is great strength in family and group prayers.
    Big hug,
    Marsha

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  4. The shock that you and Paul have had is one thing but the kids are the ones I worry about. It must have been agonizing choosing the right words to tell them. It's hard to put on a brave face when you're not feeling brave yourself. I do have lots of good feelings regarding the fact that I feel you two will grow old together. That feeling comes after I pray for you. God bless you and your sweet children.

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  5. what an intense few weeks! We all love you (up at Primary's) Nancy, you are in our thoughts, hearts and prayers.

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  6. Weaning is hard enough, sorry you are forced to do it early. I guess one plus to losing your hair is that it will really bring out your eyes. Seriously, it will. Sending love and prayers!

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  7. I've been thinking of you all week! Thanks for the update. I'll try to appreciate cracked nipples for the next few days ;) Thanks for the perspective!

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  8. Nancy, I think about you about every day and of your kids. You are a strong family and will stick together through this. I hope you know we love you.

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